Last week I attended an AA meeting, and to my horror, each person present stood up and openly admitted to being an alcoholic. I'm not having these boastful drunkards repairing my car. I can only hope the RAC have more responsible employees.
Hugie Dixon, West Drayton
'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says.
Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.
Colin Hill
I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail loses around
2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by DHL next day delivery.
L Palmer, London
With reference to Mr Palmer's previous letter. I am also married to a Taiwanese lady, but nobody ever asks me if she is a mail order bride.
But perhaps that's because I am also Taiwanese. And we live in Taiwan.
Lo Chi Chang, Taipei
On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road .
Alan J., London
Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius.
Mike Woods, e-mail
Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope
that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour.
Chris Scaife, Jesmond
I see on the news that Lord Hutton says he is "satisfied that David Kelly took his own life". He may not have liked Dr Kelly that much, but isn't this
Taking gloating just a little too far?
Dave Owen, Edinburgh
I was being chased by a police dog last week, and made the mistake of trying to escape through a little tunnel, over a see-saw and through a hoop of fire. It finally caught me as I was weaving in and out of some sticks.
Stan Herschel
I was shocked to hear Home Secretary David Blunkett say that Britain 's prison population has been ballooning for the past ten years. My God, has the world gone mad? Those people are there to be punished, not to be given 'thrill of a lifetime' experiences that most law abiding citizens can only dream of.
Mrs Close, Headingley
On our wedding anniversary this year, my husband promised to treat me like a Princess. He was as good as his word: he took me for a meal, got completely pi**ed and on the way home crashed into a concrete pillar at 120mph, killing
me instantly.
Mrs B. Essex.
The person who coined the phrase "as different as chalk and cheese" obviously hadn't tasted Kwik Save's cheddar.
John Sampson, Southampton.
If Eastenders is so true to life, how come none of the loveable Cockney characters are Man Utd supporters?
P. Sullivan, Birkenhead .
If smoking is bad for you, how come it cures Salmon?
Stalker, Bournemouth.
Why does Frank Bruno get a gong just because he's good at hitting people?
I'm brilliant at it but the most I've ever got is 200 hours community service.
A Woodward, Sheffield .
They say good manners cost you nothing. B*llocks. I sent my daughter to finishing school and it cost me twenty bloody grand.
J Morgan, Wigan .
These so-called speed bumps are a joke. If anything, they slow you down.
Tim Wakefield, Surrey.
To call Dr Harold Shipman ' Britain 's worst serial killer' is utter nonsense. With more confirmed kills to his name than any other UK-based murderer, surely Dr. Shipman is ' Britain 's best serial killer'.
Peter White, e-mail.
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