I saw this on another site and thought how much of it is so true! Lol
The Alpha Male - So called because he believes he is always right, his
opinions are those that matter the most, and woe betide anyone that
disagrees with any of those views. You will be shot down in a ball of
flames and then ignored for the rest of your time on a message board by
the hareem of female followers Mr Alpha Male has picked up during his
time here. We all know Mr A has no life thus he has to be the king of his
own domain, and a message board gives him that role. Pity him. Someone
has to.
The Alpha Female - She knows everyone and everything. Enough said.
The Lurker - Lurkers are unavoidable. They register, never post a thing.
They look and read and observe. They can often been seen lurking in
parks on hot days with sunglasses and a rainmac on, easily spotted and
easily dealt with if found to be plagiarising any board content. If this is
you. POST GOD DAMMIT.
The Flamer - The person that makes those little comments that suddenly
turn the whole community into a village of pitchfork wielding mobhunters,
threatening to chop off any and all extremities, and can be found huddled
in MSN and corners, whispering, HOW DARE THEY COME HERE. Of course,
the flamer is sat behind his/her desk, smirking away that their
job is done for the day. A
existance, examples of these creatures
can be found running countries.
The Manic Poster - Easily spotted, they usually have the highest post
count. No further explanation needed.
The Shy Poster - Makes a few posts here and there, apologises for
everything they say or do or post. Can been seen hanging around the
general area, mooching in the leftovers of the flame war, trying to find a
backbone.
The Bad Speller - There is always one. These creatures will either be
loved by everyone or bullied because of their lack of grammar and
punctuation, newbies who spell badly can sometimes be targeted by the
Alpha Female. Just call her a batch. It will confuse her for a while and
keep her from cybering Mr A for 15 minutes.
The Stupid One - All forums have a user that is thicker than the thighs
on a russian female shotputter from Leningrad. Can be found posting in
the help section, or making posts such as:- "I dont get it". These
creatures often end up as lurkers, mainly because they can't understand
what the hell anyone is talking about.
The Know-It-All - Yes, those people, who despite being raised by
dwarves in a cave, because of course they have lived in a cave and know
dwarves, can be seen posting about every experience, saying "oh I had
that happen" or " I have a friend who did this" etc. For someone so
knowledgable, it never fails to baffle as to why they cannot find the off
-switch on their PC and discover the real world.
The Newbie/Oldie - As with some communities, old members who have
made a total ass of themselves in previous posts, go away, re-invent
their whole persona, and re-register. They can be easily spotted as
these poor delusional creatures will slip up and make reference to
something they shouldn't know anything about, but miracles of miracles.
They do.
The Newbie - Depending on the person, a newbie will make a few posts
here and there. It also depends on the age of your forum, the older the
forum, the harder it is to fit in with the "crowd!" no doubt you will be
vetted by the alpha male and female, and once deemed cool and sexy, you
will fit in just fine.
The Oldie - Here from the beginning of the boards, a stalwart member,
never goes anywhere else, will defend the forum until they are gasping
their last consonant and vowel. These people will remember everything,
find posts referencing these events, and point out how it used to be
"different" in their day. To find these creatures, just make a post on
how boring it is, and you will bring them out and everyone else for that
matter. Not advisable to newbies, do not make your first post and say
how boring it is. You may well find yourself tipped upside down and
disposed of in the delete can.
The Bullet Loader - These are creatures that don't have the balls to say
something about someone, so they plant the bullet in others minds, usually
via PM or MSN and sit back and watch as the gun is shot by someone
else.
The Letch - Easily noticable hanging around users pictures and drooling on
them. Purchasing a mop and bucket while setting up a forum is advisable.
The GoodLooking One - Just go to the picture forum and find the thread
with the most posts and most views. This is generally where you will find
the picture of the said Goodlooking one.
The Helper - Easily spotted clinging to a new users undercarriage,
offering what help and assistance they can, and often giving out advice.
These creatures are not staff as a rule. But can be mistaken for one,
just double-check the staffing list, and thank the helper, and then go out
and buy some pile cream. That will ease the problem in no time.
The Staff - All message boards have staff. Depending on the owner of
the board, these can be true members who show professionlism at all
times, or are best buddies of the Site Owner and can get away with
whatever they like. It is easy to distinguish between the two different
types. Always stay calm and never allow yourself to be wound up by
Staff. This is a sure-fire way to being warned or removed completely. A
good rule of thumb is if you are warned, the staff are doing a good job.
Most forum owners do not like banning.
The Owner - Last but not least. A good site owner will have a sense of
humour, get involved with the community, control the above examples of
users in such a way that some may not recognise that flaming and bullet
loading go on. Most site owners can be identified by the bags under the
eyes, the constant white foaming at the mouth, the unsociable hours
posts. Keeping and running a community is hard work and requires a great
deal of patience and effort. Remember to thank your community leader
often. They carry toffees in their pockets and are usually called Dave.
Gis a toffee Dave.....I mean Ian.
Home 
raspberry
