moral of the story

He got what he deserved... :ROFL: :ROFL:

can't argue with that MNP, although after 30 years of marriage, you'd think he'd have learn to specify exactly what he wanted when talking to a female lol

i dont no mugley ive been there for 20yrs and stil f*** up

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"
The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water.

When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Daniel Craig. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Daniel Craig, you would have come up with Johnny Depp. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to Daniel Craig."

MORAL: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.
loada bollox

At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding
she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that
her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected
'knock' on the door.

Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85
year old groom, ready for action.

They unite as one.

All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and
it's Wally.

Again he is ready for more 'action.'

Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling.

When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond
goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it..... Wally is
back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready
for more 'action.'

And, once again they enjoy each other.

But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am
thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often.
I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good
once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.'

Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says: .......'You mean I
was here already?'

The moral of the story:

Don't be afraid of getting old, senior
moments have advantages

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who sh1ts on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh1t is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep sh1t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

See there was this fish, and this fish was watching a fly, the fish wanted the fly to drop six inches so he could jump and eat it.

There was a bear on the shore, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump and the bear could swipe the fish for lunch.

There was a hunter in the woods, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would swipe and the fish and come out into plain view.

There was a mouse eyeing the hunters sandwhich, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would move into plain view, the hunter would shoot the bear then the hunter would go get the bear and the mouse could get the sandwhich.

There was a cat waiting for the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would move into plain view, the hunter would shoot the bear and for the mouse to go for the sandwhich.

So the fly drops six inches, the fish jumps in the air, the bear catches the fish, the hunter shoots the bear and the mouse swipes the sandwhich. The blast from the hunters gun startled the cat, which jumped into the river.

The moral of the story is...When the fly drops six inches the pussy gets wet.

Good one WG. :D

johno is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices
his
friend is very well endowed.

'Damn, wiseguy, you're hung!' Johno exclaims.


'I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work for it.'

'What do you mean?' johno asked.

'Well, every day for the past two years I've spent an hour each night
rubbing it with butter. I know it sounds crazy but it actually made it
grow 4
inches! You should try it.'

Johno agrees and the two say good bye.

A few months later the two are in the same locker room and wiseguy asks Johno
how his situation was.

Johno replied, 'I did what you said, wg, but I've actually gotten
smaller!
I lost two inches already!'

'Did you do everything I told you? An hour each day with butter?'

'Well, I was out of butter, so I've been using Crisco.'



Wait for it ...........




Wait ............



You know it's coming...








Crisco!!?' wiseguy exclaimed. 'Damn it, Johno, Crisco is shortening!'


MORAL OF THE STORY: You gotta follow the recipe & men don't listen!

yeah funny but true about the listening bit ....

:shock: Men don't listen or follow directions????? Maybe it's all the above..... :twisted: God bless'em, I love'em anyway.

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a
well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to do.





Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the
well needed to be covered up anyway;
it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.





He invited all his neighbors to come over and
help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began
to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the
donkey realized what was happening and cried
horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he
quieted down.





A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally
looked down the well. He was astonished at what
he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his
back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.





As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel
dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it
off and take a step up.





Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
stepped up over the edge of the well and
happily trotted off!





Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds
of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well
is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of
our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out
of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.





Remember the five simple rules to be happy:





Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.





Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.





Live simply and appreciate what you have.





Give more.





Expect less





NOW ............





Enough of that crap . . . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected and
the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.





MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:





When you do something wrong, and try to cover
your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

:shock: nice one mate moved it to here to join the rest of the morals