wiseguys strange thoughts

A very wise man once said:

"You should treat your woman like your vacuum cleaner, when she stops
sucking, replace the bag.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

When shops have a sign on the door 'Guide dogs only' Who is supposed to read it?...... The dog?

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming

You know that look women get when they want sex ? Me neither.

I wouldn't want to look inside your head wg. What a place that must be.

i it would keep you busy for a wee while eh

wiseguy wrote:

I bought a deodorant stick today.
I'd never used one before,so I read the instructions.

They said 'Remove top and slowly push up bottom'
I'm in Casualty at the moment,but my farts smell lovely!

might buy another one :lmfao: for the wife

you know when a spider lays its eggs under your skin ?

















just imagine how worse it would be if it was a

















goose
















ok ive had a joint :twisted:

YOU DON'T SAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If someone had died in a road accident outside a florists, would anyone know?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million.

Assuming he banged her every night during their 5 year relationship (and being married men, we all know THAT doesn't happen), it ends up costing him $26,849 per lay, not counting attorney's fees and court costs.

On the other hand, Elliot Spitzer's call girl Kristen charges $4,000 an hour. Crazy, right?

But... Had Paul McCartney employed Kristen for 5 years, he would've paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for 5 years (a saving of $41+million).

Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe, no begging, no coaxing, never a headache, wide open menu, ability to put BOTH legs around you, no bitching and complaining or "to do" lists. Best of all, she leaves when you're done, and comes back the next day, ready for another round. All at 1/7th the cost, with no legal fees.* *

Is it just me, or is it better to rent?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

New Exercise program

The older we get, the more important it is to incorporate exercise into our daily routine. This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and maintain muscle mass.

If you're over 40, you might want to take it easy at first, then do more repetitions as you become more proficient and build stamina. Warning: It may be too strenuous for some.

Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!



SCROLL DOWN.......

























































































































NOW SCROLL UP..

That's enough for the first day. Great job.

Have a glass of wine.

Loving that exercise regime wg. I think I'll stick with it.

me too

mazzie wrote:

Loving that exercise regime wg. I think I'll stick with it.

That takes the class number to 3 then guys, any more for anymore?

I saw on the news that thousands of Indians were out watching the recent solar eclipse.
That'll explain why I couldn't get an answer when I tried to phone my bank.

I have just received an envelope marked – Photographs Do Not Bend.
The Royal Mail has, however, proven that they do.

wiseguy wrote:

A very wise man once said:

"You should treat your woman like your vacuum cleaner, when she stops
sucking, replace the bag.

think i need a new vacum