wiseguys strange thoughts

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why :(

why did god invent orgasms for women ?



so they can still moan even when they are enjoying themselves

wiseguy wrote:

why did god invent orgasms for women ?



so they can still moan even when they are enjoying themselves

:whip:

its true iq

wiseguy wrote:

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why :(

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I bought a deodorant stick today.
I'd never used one before,so I read the instructions.

They said 'Remove top and slowly push up bottom'
I'm in Casualty at the moment,but my farts smell lovely!

:lmfao: :la up: :lmfao: *Deante falls off her chair from laughing so hard* :lmfao: :lmfao:

If women are so perfect at multitasking ,how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?'

another of those little mysteries that you guys all love so much about us women.

:halo: ::

How come when you mix
water and flour together
you get glue?..

and then you add eggs
and sugar...and you get cake?

Where did
the glue go?

that's why yer mammy's cakes stuck tae yer ribs.

::

mazzie wrote:

that's why yer mammy's cakes stuck tae yer ribs.

::

great answer mazzie, bet that knocked the wind oot o his sails --- :lmfao: :lmfao:

outta mi balls you mean

1. If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with your wife/girlfriend about putting down the toilet seat -- use the sink instead.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers, simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives -- then you'll be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

8. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

The Global Facts ... At Any Given Moment

Fact: 79,000,000 people are engaged in intercourse right now.
Fact: 58,000,000 are kissing.
Fact: 37,000,000 are getting/giving oral sex.
Fact: 1 lonely person is reading this

heard about christine keeler.. she used to give blood once a week.
the doctor was concerned so he asked how much she lost during her bad week.
she replied : about £10,000.
mazzie wont find that funny either.. sorry mazzie, just jokin .

johno wrote:

heard about christine keeler.. she used to give blood once a week.
the doctor was concerned so he asked how much she lost during her bad week.
she replied : about £10,000.
mazzie wont find that funny either.. sorry mazzie, just jokin .

Oi! Shithead! :!:


As a matter of fact I quite liked that one...............

:laugh: :la up: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao:

A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

Einstein was born March 14, 1879. He would be 129 if he were
alive today.
Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919.
At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she
was so well endowed.

He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large
breasts, the attraction is even
stronger if there is a DNA
Connection.
This came to be known as.....
Einstein's Theory of 'Relative Titty'

Oh, quit groaning! I don't write this stuff, I receive it from
my warped friends

wiseguy wrote:

The Global Facts ... At Any Given Moment

Fact: 79,000,000 people are engaged in intercourse right now.
Fact: 58,000,000 are kissing.
Fact: 37,000,000 are getting/giving oral sex.
Fact: 1 lonely person is reading this

How'd you know I was lonely? :(

wg knows everything

this is not a joke but reality
A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach, when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic! Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.

Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time.

Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"