1. Don't bother investing in a personal number plate; No-one gives a f*ck what your name is.
2. Those little stalks that are next to the steering wheel are "indicators." Use them occasionally.
3. "Parent and Child" spaces aren't really for you if your child is 19, even if she weighs as many stone.
4. When parking, try to park in what we call "parking spaces".
5. When people make "wanker" signs at you, it's because you are a wanker. Learn to live with it.
....and finally....
6. Be sure to put a "Greenpeace" or a "Save the Earth" sticker on your bumper. Other drivers will enjoy the irony, even if you don't
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